losing :: open

[sam michael winchester]

Ever since Castiel brought the wall in Sam's head down, the youngest Winchester had been struggling. It all started when Sam had said yes to Lucifer. You heard right. Lucifer was wearing him to prom. Sam prepared for this moment. Drinking more demon blood than he ever had. He needed the strength for when he made the deal of the century. This was their last hope in defeating Lucifer. Their last chance. He was their last hope. The plan. Had to stick with the plan. Say yes to Lucifer. Sounded so easy. Just take control. That was what the demon blood was for. Strength. Jump into the pit. So much easier said than done. However, plans just never turn out the way that one would plan. Sam had lost; Lucifer had taken control. Sammy had become a prisoner inside of his own head. Sammy was gone. As much as Sam had really tried to take control, Lucifer was just too strong. He was unable to take control. Unable … until …

Sam could remember every moment of that day so clearly. He was watching everything happening and there had been nothing that he could do to stop it. Nothing at all. He fought against it. But what was the point anymore? Lucifer was just too strong. What made him think that he could ever win this fight? Nothing. It was just their last piece of hope. It was the only chance in saving this messed up world. Why save it? It was so full of pain and torment and sadness. Why would anyone even care if the world came to an end anyway? But they did. Sure, there was so much bad in this world. Sure, the world was filled with blood and pain and so much heartache. There were also good things about living. Falling in love and family. So much love in this world. They had to save it. But it seemed as though their last hope was no more. It seemed that Lucifer had won the war. And would eventually destroy this planet. In time.

But something happened. Sam was watching Lucifer pumble his brother to a bloody pulp when something caught his eye. Something inside the car. A little army man shoved inside of the ashtray in the car door. Memories flashed by so quickly. Memories from when the two brothers were kids to now. Him and Dean. And Sam was not going to let Lucifer kill his big brother. Not in a million years. He had to stop this. But he understood why Dean came here. Even if he knew that there was no way of reaching Sam. He had always been the protective older brother. Through thick and thin. Even when Sam was a jerk and addicted to demon blood. He still ended up forgiving his baby brother. Dean had never once left his brother's side and he was not about to start now. He would stand by Sam. Until the very end. But this one thing, these flashbacks, is what caused Sam to step back and take control of his own body.

“It's okay, Dean. It's gonna be okay. I've got him.”

And it would be okay. All okay. Soon enough. Even if this was sacrificing himself. It was something that needed to be done. And he was the only person who could do the job. And Sam quickly had pulled out the rings from the pocket of his jacket and tossed it to the ground, a hole opening up. A hole that would put Lucifer right back into the pit. That would trap him inside it as well. And then Michael tried to stop him. When Sam began to fall in, Michael grabbed onto his arm and the two both fell into the pit. And then the hole closed up and Sam Winchester was gone.

Sam: “This thing goes our way and I … Triple Lindy into that box … y-you know I'm not coming back.”

Dean: “Yeah, I'm aware.”

Sam: “So you got to promise me something.”

Dean: “Okay. Yeah. Anything.”

Sam: “You got to promise not to try to bring me back.”

Dean: “What? No. I didn't sign up for that.”

Sam: “Dean--”

Dean: “Your Hell is gonna make my tour look like Graceland. Y-you want me to just sit by and do nothing?”

Sam: “Once the cage is shut, you can't go poking at it, Dean. It's too risky.”

Dean: “No, no, no, no, no. As if I'm just gonna let you rot in there.”

Sam: “Yeah, you are. You don't have a choice.”

Dean: “You can't ask me to do this.”

Sam: “I'm sorry, Dean. You have to.”

Dean: “So then what am I suppose to do?”

Sam: “You go find Lisa. You pray to God she's dumb enough to take you in, and you—you have barbecues and go to football games. You go live some normal, apple-pie life, Dean. Promise me.”

And that was what Dean did. He went and found Lisa. And she took him in. Dean did not want to let his baby brother rot in that cage. He wanted more than anything to find a way to bring his brother back. It had always been his job to protect his brother. And he had failed that time and time again. And this time, there was nothing left for Dean to do. He did want Sam had asked of him. Because he had made a promise. Dean didn't want Cas to save him. Every part of him, every fiber that he had, wanted to die, or find a way to bring Sam back. But he did not and would not do either. Because he made a promise. A promise to Sam. And he was going to keep that promise. So what did it all add up to? It's hard to say. But the brothers did alright. Up against good, evil, angels, devils, destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice. They chose family. And, well … isn't that kinda the whole point?

What Dean had not known was that Sam had been brought back. Had been rescued from the pit. But how? No one knew. But he was indeed back. Sam, however, did not contact Dean. He couldn't. He was finally living the normal life that he deserved and he did not want to ruin that for him. So he went on, continuing his job as a hunter. And he started working with Samuel (his grandfather) and a few others. Family. But no one knew how Samuel was brought back either. And Dean never knew. Not until a year after Sam jumped into the pit to save the world. And that was because Dean was in trouble. He had been poisoned and would have died if Sam hadn't have injected him with the antidoit.

But let's not get into this. Let's go on with what was wrong with Sam. Why he acted the way he did. Why he did not seem like himself which led Dean to think that maybe it could have not been Sam but maybe Lucifer instead. It was Sam, though. And yes, there was something wrong with him. When Sam had been brought back, rescued from the pit, a very important piece of him had been left behind. His soul. And Dean would do everything that he could to find away to get the old Sam back. When he finally contacted death and was made a deal, he thought that this was it. That they would finally be getting his brother back. But Sam, he did not like that at all. He found out about a ritual that he could use to prevent his soul from being forced back in. And he needed the blood of his father. 'You need the blood of your father, but your father needn't be blood.' And that meant only one person. Bobby. So close. Sam had been so close to getting Bobby's blood and then Dean showed up and stopped his brother. Death had gotten Sam's soul and put it where it belonged, placing up a wall.

Dean: “Oh, this can’t be good.” (Dean pulls up near a black van and gets out of the car.) “Sam? Sam!” (Dean enters the building where Sam is.)

Lucifer (as Dean): “Oh look. Another me.”

Dean: “Sam, what are you doing?”

(Sam points his gun at Dean. Dean holds up his hands.)

Dean: “Whoa, whoa!”

Sam: “I was with you, Dean!”

Dean: “Okay. Well, here I am.”

Sam: “No. No, I don’t, I...”

(Sam looks at Lucifer, then back at Dean.)

Sam: “I can’t know that for sure. You understand me?”

Dean: “Okay, now we’re gonna have to start small.”

Sam: “I don’t remember driving here.”

Lucifer: “Well that’s because I drove. You thought.” (to Dean) “Sam is very suggestible.”

(Sam shoots at nothing where he thinks Lucifer is.)

Dean: “Whoa, whoa! Sam! This discussion does not require a weapons discharge!”

(Sam is breathing heavily. He lowers his weapon.)

Dean: “Look at me. Come on. You don’t know what’s real? Look man, I’ve been to Hell. Okay, I know a thing or two about torture. Enough to know that it feels different. Than the pain of this, this regular, stupid, crappy this.”

Sam: “No, no, how can you know that for sure?”

Dean: “Let me see your hand.”

(Dean reaches out his hand. Sam lifts his right hand.)

Dean: “No, no. The, the gimp hand! Let me see it.”

Lucifer: “Smell you, Florence Nightingale.”

(Sam looks around at Lucifer. Dean grabs Sam’s bandaged left hand.)

Dean: “Hey.”

(Dean shakes Sam's hand.)

Dean: “This is real. Not a year ago, not in Hell, now. I was with you when you cut it, I sewed it up! Look!”

(Dean squeezes Sam’s bandaged left hand and grabs the barrel of the gun Sam is holding with his other hand. Lucifer appears next to Dean and flickers.)

Lucifer: “We’ve done a lot more with pain.”

(Sam takes an indrawn breath and winces.)

Dean: “This is different. Right? Then the crap that’s tearing at your walnut? I’m different. Right?”

(Sam takes his hands away. Dean keeps Sam's gun.)

Sam: “Yeah, I think so.”

Lucifer: “You sure about that, bunk buddy?”

(Sam is looking at Lucifer, next to Dean.)

Dean: “Sam? Sam.”

(Sam pushes his right thumb against his wound, which bleeds through the bandage. Lucifer flickers again.)

Lucifer: “Doesn’t mean anything.”

Dean: “Hey. I am your flesh-and-blood brother, okay? I’m the only one who can legitimately kick your ass in real time. You got away. We got you out, Sammy.”

Lucifer: “Sammy. Sammy.”

(Sam continues to push his thumb hard against his wound.)

Lucifer: “Sammy, I’m the only one who can...”

(Lucifer flickers and disappears.)

Dean: “Believe in that! Believe me, okay? You gotta believe me. You gotta make it stone number one and build on it. You understand?”

(Sam nods.)

Sam: “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

But that did not last long. He still saw Lucifer. And it was getting worse. So much worse. The devil was practically screaming in his head, morning and night. Needed to get out. Needed to get away. He hadn't slept in days and was exhausted. But Lucifer was making it practically impossible to fall asleep. Laying in bed in the motel room, he looked over at Dean. He was sound asleep. Getting up, Sam had slipped on his shoes and got up, grabbing the keys off the end table to the Impala outside. He looked back to his older brother, before stepping out of the motel room and getting into the car. Lucifer appeared beside him, sitting in the passenger seat, as Sam started up the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

“You actually think that you can get away from me, Sammy? Not gonna happen.”

But Sam did not respond. He just shook his head and kept driving on down the road. 'Not real.' he kept repeating in his own mind. 'Not real.' He turned on the radio, making it rather loud. Had to drown the devil out. He wasn't really there.

“Sammy.” Lucifer said in a song song voice. “You can't ignore me. I'm always here.”

“Just go away!” Sam had practically yelled.

“Awww. You talked to me. Told ya you couldn't ignore me.”

Sam shook his head and pulled over to the side of the empty road. He turned off the engine and got out, walking fast. He had to get away. But how could you possibly escape an hallucination? Lucifer kept up with him, walking right beside him. “Just stop. Leave me alone, damnit.”